Jokes

A cockroach's last word to a man who wanted to kill it "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You are just jealous that I make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her!"

A black man and white man were seated on plane. The black man had a bunch of banana, while the white man had a monkey. The black man wanted to go to the toilet, he said to the white man "please watch over my bananas, while am gone". He went, came back and found out that the bananas were all gone. The white man pointed at the monkey and said, "your brother the monkey ate all of them". The black man with a smile said nothing. Minutes later, the white man said, "please hold my monkey while I pee". He came back and met the monkey dead. He asked the black man what happened and he replied "this is a family matter, please stay out of it!"

Nene asked her Daddy, Akpos, "How did the human race appear?" Akpos answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..." Two days later she asked her mother the same question. The mother nswered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her father ,Akpos and said, "Daddy, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and mom said they developed from monkeys?" The Akpos answered, "Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers.so choose 'ur own side

++ Story of The farmer who Owns the Goat & the Horse++ . . ** There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat. One day, the horse became ill. So he called the veterinarian, who said, "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the third day and if he's not better, we're going to kill it." Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, they gave the horse the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said, “Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to kill you!” On the second day, they again gave the horse the medicine and left. The goat came back and said, "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three..." On the third day, they came to give the horse the medicine and the vet said, "Unfortunately,we're going to kill her tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect t

An American lawyer and a Nigerian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer believes that Nigerians are so dumb that he could put something over on them easily, So the lawyer asks if the Nigerian would like to play a fun game. The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The American lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says. This catches the Nigerian's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?" The Nigerian doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Nigerian's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with thre

What is Lassa fever? According to my own understanding Lassa fever is an acute viral haemorrhagic illness of 1 to 3 weeks duration that usually occurs in Africa country especially western sides. Lassa fever is contagious because its a virus been transmitted to humans via contact with damage foods or household items contaminated with african black rat, urine or faeces. Also Person to person infections and laboratory transmission can also occur, particularly in hospitals lacking adequate infection prevention and control measures. Lassa fever is known to be endemic in Nigeria early November 2014. There is however no epidemiological evidence supporting airborne spread between humans. What is the Lassa fever symptoms? About 20% of people who become infected with Lassa virus have no symptoms. The infection gradual starting with fever, weakness, all the human body will be feeling unwell, or tired. Or few days after headache, muscle pain, chest pain, diarrhoea, cough, and pain. Wha

A man fell into a well and was screaming for help. His wife came with a rope to help. Down inside the well, the man looked at the rope and said "How much did you buy this rope"? The wife said N1,500" "What! The man shouted inside the well. "Return it to the seller now now and go to Mama Queen's shop down the street. Her own is N300. Hurry up before I die here!! . I beg, which ethnic group do you think this man comes from? A. Ijebu B. Igbo C. Hausa D. Yoruba E. Igbira F. Benue

Mary's father has 5 children they are 1. mama 2. meme 3. mimi 4. momo so give the last name just guest the last name give the name that comes 1st in your mind

Papa Akpors: Akpors, I learnt your JAMB result is out. Akpors: Daddy You remember John wey dey carry first for our whole school? he failed Papa Akpors: that’s terrible,what happened? Papa Akpors: what’s causing the poor performance? Akpors: Daddy I don’t know, na so e be o,Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell competition failed too. Papa Akpors: so how was your own result? Akpors: You also remember Paul, our senior prefect? He failed. Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, Tell me about your own result!! Akpors : (angrily) If all those people failed, wetin You expect for my own result?? I be witch?

A man saw a catholic sister and decided to give her a lift in his car. As the car was moving the man placed his hand on the laps of the sister pretending he was looking for the gear lever. The sister cast a glance at him and said Matthew chapter 7 vs 7".The man quickly removed his hand. After a short time the man placed his hand again on the laps of the sister. The sister said to him again ;"Matthew 7 vs 7".The man nervously removed his hand. The sister reached her destination and got off the car, cast another glance at the man and said "So you don't read your Bible!" When the man got home he opened his Bible to Matthew 7 vs 7 it says "ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN UNTO U".The man shouted;"OH!!! I DON FUCK Up=))....

An Edo Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the coffin, the family put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. An hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled &said, ccording to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get". The hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". The yoruba man dropped N50,000 and said, "add this incase it's not enough". The Igbo man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of N200,000, dropped it in the coffin & took the N150,000 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...It is going to be a dangerous journey we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"

My friend went for a friend's granddad burial yesterday. The tradition there is that in any burial ceremony, an old man would come and say the next person to die. So the old man came out and said that the next person to die is the first person who will leave the burial ground. Since yesterday, everybody is still at the burial ground including the old man!