Jokes

A cockroach's last word to a man who wanted to kill it "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You are just jealous that I make your wife scream more than you do when I climb her!"

A husband and wife were celebrating their 60th birthday together when suddenly an angel appeared and said God was going to grant them each one special request. The wife was so excited she said "I want to travel all over the world" and poof the smoke cleared and suddenly she had tickets in her hand. The husband was next, he shyly said "my request is that I would be married to a woman 30 yrs younger than me" poof the smoke cleared and he was 90 yrs old!

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Akpos was in front of me coming out from the church after service, and the preacher was standing at the door as usual to shake hands. He grabbed Akpos by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" Akpos replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "Am an undercover agent!"

Akpos got to school very late on monday morning and the teacher asked "Akpos why did u come to school so late?" Then Akpos answered "one man lost $1,000 note at the bus stop" the teacher said "ooohh! thats good of you", "seems you were helping the man look for his lost money". Akpos answered "Nooo! I DEY CRAZE??? Na me stand on top of the money".

A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move. Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi. I'm Radha." GUY: "Hi. I'm Chris." Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like Lord Chris and Radha Devi. The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love wi

Akpos had a bad attendance record for being particularly late for work in the morning. He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons. His argument - "I get up in the morning...I shower...I look in the mirror...try to straighten my hair, then I miss the taxi, then I'm late." His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Akpos' colleague to sneak into his room & steal the Mirror off the wall without Akpos' knowledge. The following day, Akpos did not turn up for work. The same happened the day after that. Akpos was summoned to another hearing to explain his reasons for not attending work. His argument - "I get up in the morning...I shower...I look in the Mirror...See no Akpos...I think Akpos already left for work.

An Igbo man, a Yoruba man and an Hausa man were lost in a forest and then captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step was to go deep into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. The Yoruba man came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples." Then the king explained the trial to him, "You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed. The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The Igbo man arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed. The Yoruba man and Igbo man met in heaven and the Yoruba man asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with the trial.&