Jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You´re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

Three  europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you. So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!. 

Spiritual problem is when you trek 10km to work just to get there and realize that you forgot the office key at home. So you managed to trek back home leaving your heavy bag at the office doorstep. On getting home, you realized that your house key is in the bag you left at the Office Doorstep. You got upset, and but no choice, so you trekked back to the office again, picked up your bag angrily, and trekked your way back home again. On getting home, you dipped your hand in your bag, only to realize that the office key was in your bag all along. Now you sit on the floor shouting.  "Make una kuku kill me ooohhh village people.

Once you carry your own water, you will learn the value of every drop.

God I'm not OK. I'm not my self. I'm draind. Please calm my mind. Heal my heart and take my worries away.

I think that it's important to realized that no matter how good you are to people, it won't make them good to you.

Have you ever looked back at your past and realized it was God that kept you Alive.