Jokes

At a wedding, I asked the person sitting next to me, "Have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? She's ugly"You fool!!! That's my daughter you are talking about!" The person responded, "Oops! I'm sorry sir. I didn't know you were the father.""I'm not, you silly fool. I'm the mother!"

Just can't believe what my eyes saw yesterday evening. A Motorcyclist knocked a girl down, we all rushed to help her. While she was on the floor helplessly, with serious injuries to her body, she was shouting, "My phone! My phone!!" We thought she wanted to call her family, so we gave her her phone. Immediately, she stood up after she collected the phone, took a selfie of herself, log into Facebook and uploaded the picture with the caption... "JUST HAD AN ACCIDENT, FAINTING THINGS ON MY MIND!" She logged out and fainted immediately!

Years ago, an African King was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Bill Clinton. The instructor told the African King, "When you shake hands with President Clinton, please say, 'How are you?' then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say, 'me too'. Afterwards, we translators will do the work for you." When the African King met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "Who are you?" (Instead of "How are you?). Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked, but still managed to react, "Well, I'm Hillary's husband." Then the African King replied, "Me too."

After dipping AKPOS three times in water, Father Peter then said to him, "You are now a new creation so your name is no longer AKPOS but Paul. From now onwards, no drinking alcohol!" When he got home, AKPOS now Paul dipped his Beer Bottle in water three times and then said, "From now on your name is now Water"

One day Akpos was walking in the street? He met Edet who asked him what had happened to his ears as both were covered with bandages. He said "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron, and so I burnt my ears" Edet asked, "So what happened to your other ear?" He said, "That same stupid guy called again!"

There were two evil brothers who were extremely rich. They went to the same church and on the surface appeared to be good christians. One of the brothers suddenly died. The remaining brother sort out the pastor and handed him a large donation. He said "I only have one condition, at the funeral you must say my brother was a saint". The pastor agreed and deposited the cheque. At the funeral the pastor said "this man was a evil man, he lied, he stole, he cheated people" after going on and on for several minutes, he finally said "BUT compared to his brother, he was a SAINT!"

Papa Akpos :- My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do??? Akpos' Teacher :- Your son no know book at all, He no fit spell "LION" Papa Akpos :- Ah Ah You know say na SMALL pikin...You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMAL like MOSQUITO